THAT'S Entertainment
If you're looking for something to make you laugh, just pick up the daily newspaper. Especially among the headlines and advertisements (display and classified alike), you're bound to find something hilariously ludicrous... or at least mildly amusing.

Who Knew? Department

Moussaoui is abnormal, psychologist testifies Omaha World-Herald 4/19/2006


Hyphens Really Do Matter Department

From a major bank's newspaper display ad: Increase your rate penalty free.... (Reminds me of Dillard's startling E-mail promotion that trumpeted Pay Your Bill Online for Free!)


Aren't They Paying by the Word? Department
From a recent employment classified:

SHIPPING/ RECEIVING CLERK
XYZ Plastics, a leading custom injection molder, has an immediate opening for a Shipping/ Receiving Clerk in it's [oops] distribution center. Best-qualified applicants will have three to five years of experience in a warehouse environment [Within 50 feet or so okay?], forklift experience, and the ability to lift up to fifty pounds. Additionally, this person must be good with numbers [Guessing people's weight at the carnival?] and have computer experience entering data and generating reports. Qualified applicants should forward their resume or work history to [address].

This rewrite is clear, concise, and just as friendly, without a lot of the verbal baggage that some people believe is necessary to sound intelligent:

SHIPPING/ RECEIVING CLERK
XYZ Plastics Distribution Center, Southwest Omaha
We welcome your application if you meet our criteria: 3-5 years warehouse experience, forklift experience, ability to lift 50 pounds, math aptitude, computer data-entry and report experience. Please mail your résumé or work history to [address].

Keep Your Hands Off My Back Department
Excerpts from a recent display ad:

Do You Have A Herniated Disc And Are In A Lot Of Pain?
...Find out how space travel solved astronauts [sic] back pain and how this accidental discovery has lead [sic] to the most promising back pain treatment today.... Go to www.reallybadpain.com - call now.

Unfortunate Homonym Department

Militants in eastern Afghanistan engaged Omaha World-Herald 4/17/2006


Don't You Hate It When That Happens? Department

Dear Heloise: Sometimes when I'm traveling, I forget to bring my shoehorn....